You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize