somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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