I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
