I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the condom got lost in my hair
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
