I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
