what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
