I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
