I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish I only lived at night.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
