I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
