I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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