How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
