i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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