Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
