im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
