Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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