Operation Purity has been aborted
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
