True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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