Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
