I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
