I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize