I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
