it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
