You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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