Ketchup is God's man juice
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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