As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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