smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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