Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
