bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
