doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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