I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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