Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
