well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
