I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
