$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
