12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
