wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
is wine microwaveable?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
