Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
