I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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