I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
