Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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