its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
