this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
