Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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