Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We got so high we made milksteak
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
