Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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