The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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