Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
