Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
