1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
