Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she smelled like a LAN party
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
