omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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