i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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