I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
