You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
