Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
