how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
