the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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