Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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