Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
