Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
