So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
