the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hello my rib-scented angel!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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