Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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