Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
