I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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