life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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