Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
