That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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